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Learning to Let Go

Since I started the workbook, the hardest thing for me is having to let go.

One section in the beginning talks about what the reader needs to do in order to create their support system. One example that the author gave was, "break off my relationship with Tracy".

I've learned what else I need to do in order to heal. I need to disconnect from anyone who is/has been unsupportive of me and/or my healing process or anyone who has minimized my experiences.

What A Difference A Week Makes

Things with my mother are a lot better. We fought some last week, but things eventually calmed down. Instead of having me evicted, she decided that she was moving out. After we settled down, things went back to normal and everyone's staying.

Seeing Another’s Perspective

I learned an important lesson last week.  Last week I learned that I need to understand what another person thinks and feels in a certain situation.  My entire life, I have only seemed to understand myself.  The reason being, I think, because I was thinking about my bounds and how they were constantly overstepped as a child.  I never really considered the perspective of others because I always felt hurt and pain in my own mind and body.

New Stuff

For one, I wanted to share this video that a friend of mine posted on Monday on Facebook (http://gizmodo.com/this-ad-has-a-secret-anti-abuse-message-that-only-kid...). She's a childhood friend, but she never knew about the abuse that I suffered, so I thought that it was interesting that I saw this on her timeline. This video introduces an impressive way for children to get help as victims of abuse.

Resentment and Resilience

It sounds strange together, right? Resentment and resilience? It's exactly how I've been feeling lately.

I feel resentful towards a few different things. For one, I feel that my mother is standoffish towards my feelings. I don't know why she feels this way, but because of this, I've never told her about the workbook, about my blog here, nor have I told her about sharing my story with others.

Lectures and Lessons

I feel like a lot's happened in the last week and a half.

My sociology class was fine. I had two lectures on the chapter and I wasn't experiencing nearly as much pain as the first lecture. My friend was there with me emotionally, so that was comforting.

Last weekend, I walked into work and as soon as I walked in the door, standing there was one of my old bosses. I work for a very large company and he was filling in: it was a nice surprise. He is very pleasant to work with and I enjoyed the time that he was there.

Masking Up The Pain

I finished my warrior mask. I went to a friend's house that's about a two hours drive from my house. I really wanted to do this with someone that I felt really comfortable with and it was definitely worth the drive. We had a lot of fun.

Struggles

Last night, I had a creative expression presentation to give. We were to base our presentation on a quote, word or passage from our class discussions. I chose a quote from a video we watched (here's the video if you would like to see it: http://youtu.be/Nqy00il0wac). My quote appears towards the end of the video and it reads, "As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.".

Deen the Playwright

Last night, Deen the Paywright came to my university as part of our Authors on Campus series. When I got the e-mail from my professor (who happens to be his sister-in-law), I thought that it would be interesting, but later decided against it (I'm not really an English, theatre or drama person). The same professor I recently reached out to for the workbook. She kindly agreed and later on asked me if I was going to his presentation. She strongly encouraged me to go and shared with me before the presentation that Deen is also a survivor: I then made my decision.

The New Pope

Yesterday, I was thrilled to see white smoke. I never see people excited over smoke except when it's time for a new leader of the Roman Catholic Church.

As I thought about the new Pope, I've thought about my own life. I am transitioning into following a new leader of my religion and a new place in time. Yesterday, we saw the first South American Pope elected and we saw a difference in his welcome.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.

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