41 years later.....
41 yrs later....i am just now allowing my mind to "go there" in therapy......i hate my father... you ruined my life.. but....i love my father.. so i feel guilty..i feel gross..i feel damaged...i feel victimized...i feel emotionally stunted...arrested development......i hate you mom...you knew didn't you...but still..i love you mom....... will it always be this hard...when will i stop feeling like this was all my fault...i am trying so hard to love that little girl inside me. ....but sometimes i hate that little girl...that helpless innocent little girl...whose fate was altered....by the one man a daughter should never be hurt by.... no wonder i believe in reincarnation....i deserve a do-over......
this is my first blog on this site..and i feel like vomitting right now lol...my heart is beating a mile a minute...im scared......but im proud of myself too.....
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Hope blogging helped
Good for you for having the courage to write about what you feel. I know expressing myself helps to let just let some of it go. Please stay in touch and let us know you are okay. It can be extremely hard reaching out for the first time. I really want to let you know that you are not alone, not anymore.
Is It Not Amazing?
Is it not amazing what you have done here, Stacey?
I've never felt so welcome among my own kind.
Thank you.
Love, Susan
You Are Me And I Am You
Oh, my God. I truly thought I wrote this. I had to go back through my comments and stuff and then realized it was you.
You do not know what a relief it is to have someone relate so well to my own experience and express it so honestly, so deeply, so sorrowfully.
God bless, and please take care.
Susan
You should be proud
What you have done here and in therapy is not a small thing.Courage is not the lack of fear, but going forward inspite of fear.Peace,NerdYou are Me
As I read this, I truly thought I wrote it. I balled in terror yesterday on an airplane. I am flying, doing business, very good business, and I am there now. God is giving me a do over currently. I don't know where to go with the terror. I am happy. I couldn't be happier with the way my life is turning out. I am successfull. I can only pray for healing. Prayer, friends, groups, church, singing comforts me. Reaching out helps me. This is our journey. I beared the cross of two people, my bio parents. Two days ago in my highrise suite in Houston I decided it's my turn. I get a do over. I beared their cross. Now it's my turn to live. And I am walking into it and it's nice. yes, I carry a barf bag for those moments. And I play on the floor of airports to heal from PTSD. And i am healing now today. Glad you're here with me sister. I thought I was the only one. who was ruined at 6 months old.