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Lost and sad,

I haven't been on this site for a long time. been trying to fight for my world and feel like this is a trigger for me in too many ways. I have slipped into a dark,sad place again . I was doing well,kept my head above water ,therapy weekly,which I am still doing,but for whatever reason,I feel so incredibly sad and lost right now. I feel like no matter what I do or how I try,I am getting my butt kicked and then I wonder,why get up,why try? Then ,next day,I get up and I try. Vicious cycle I am in.i sleep,but now I sleep for a few hours and I am back to waking up at 1-2 a.m.

Finding Comfort

Last week, Sarah asked me about my coping skills.  She was looking into The Vagina Monologues and was talking about coping skills that survivors use.

I’m not at all familiar with the work, but apparently, it talks about battered women or something of the like.  She said that it doesn’t go into much detail about what people did to survive.  She asked what kind of coping skills I used to use and what I use now.

Random Acts of Kindness

Yesterday I took the LSAT test again. Passed the first time but I wanted a higher score because scholarships are based on both GPA and LSAT scores. The LSAT is a brutal test. If you ever get bored search out a few questions, they will keep you occupied and humble you. The first time I took the test I did not study for it, I did the second go round, so hopefully I did better. I have been accepted to a law school but still have a few others I am considering, and have to decide where I want to live.

Breaking Through

People always seem amazed by the fact that I am happy. I have had people ask me, "With all you have gone through, how can you feel happiness?" The first time someone asked me this I was speechless and the only thing that came to mind was, "I live in the present, not the past. My present is a beautiful place." Then the person responded, "Oh, so you've gotten over the abuse then?" Well - No! I feel we never "get over" the abuse we have lived through in the past, but we make a conscious choice to move forward - to break through the past of the pain into the light of today.

Feeling Lonely

Friday should have been Friday the 13th. I had a rough day.

I woke up with a bite on my nose and was having flu-like symptoms. It happened a few weeks ago and I thought that it was an allergic reaction to an insect sting, but this time I wanted to get another opinion and to get some medicine for the future.

My family practice doctor was already closed for the day (he closes early on Fridays), so I went to a local clinic. I was there for three and a half hours for the doctor to tell me that I had an infection and that my symptoms weren't that of an allergic reaction.

Riding Along Resilience

I’ve been pushing myself along lately. I have had a hard time with my mom lately and I’ve had a hard time coping with my depression.



need prayers

mizzt's picture

Sitting at the .hospital with my mother. May have to leIher go. Hope I was a good enough. daughter

ok last msg disappeared from me....?asking where do I turn now?

mizzt's picture

I guess I haven't been on in awhile and couldn't remember how to send my msg. Anyway, I was saying that I have nowhere to turn because I live in an extremely small town(maybe 300 people?)and I have been advised that a counselor to whom I am not very fond of is 1 of maybe 3 or 4 counselors who service this area.The main boss can not take anymore clients on so she has to give them to her emplyees. 1 counselor who is an ex counselor of someone to whom I cannot seem to get along with for personal reasons.

Keeping It Together

The last time I spoke with my counselor, she said that I seem to have it together.  The first thing that went through my mind was, “I do?”.

The reason I say this is because I don’t at all feel like I have it together.  For one, I never have time to do the housework (I go to school full time and work part time), except for taking care of my pets.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.

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