Stubbornly Moving...

Since I've made the decision to heal, the hardest part is actually moving along the journey. I knew that it wouldn't be quick or easy, but I'm slacking. I'm a terrible procrastinator, so slacking is nothing new for me.

Should I give her a chance

I was sexually abused by my step father for 9 years (13- 21). My mother knew from the time i was sixteen and allowed it to go on. I am now almost 33 with a husband and 10 month son and a baby on the way.she just gave my younger sister a letter to give to me today. My sister and I have just started to work on our relationship after 11 years, she is also married with 3 kids. My mother lives with her so I refuse to go over to her house for the birthday parties or holidays. I have not seen or spoken to my mother in about 12 years now all of a sudden she wants to talk and try to move forward.

How do I forget and move on?

Hello,  I write this because I have come to a point in my life that I realize that I need help with dealing of the repeated sexual abuse I experienced when I was four. There are seasons where I am fine and times where I sit and cry. I am married and I have kids. I am fearful for my children and feel that someone will hurt my kids. I believe in my Lord Jesus. I listen to my pastor who says give it to Jesus. At times I feel that I do. But how do I forget and move on. I feel like my childhood was taken away from me. I never experience just playing the innocence of a child.

Wanted to share,my e.m.d.r.experience,

So,as a survivor,I have buried most of my life somewhere in my head. With that,I tend to get very overwhelmed with partial flashbacks that are so small most times I have no idea what I am seeing,and they flash past my mind so fast there is a partial memory that comes with it. I have had this my whole life. I dont remember anything for the most part. I remember some of the abuse but my dissociation has buried most of my life in my head somewhere.

Sgt Daniel Somers gives a clear understanding what it's like to suffer from depression.

josey's picture

"Too trapped in a war to be at peace, too damaged to be at war." 

"My body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems. The illness I have has caused me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure,"


I have been having some bad dreams lately where I wake up with tears streaming down my face and in a cold sweat. I have a wonderful husband who knows everything that I have been through,but I can't go into detail with him about everything that happened. It angers him so badly about what happened and how it could have been prevented but nothing was done. Sometimes I feel like it would just be nice to be able to talk to someone about it who has been through something similar.

Completely new, but at the same time, not really.

gravenidol's picture

I found this site via Google while watching the Bio channel regarding Stacey's story. Usually I leave the TV on for sound while I clean up.  Also, of course, trigger warnings for talk of molestation, suicide, victim blaming, and self-injury.

Beginning A New Chapter

Within an hour of posting my last blog, I found out that a childhood friend of mine passed away. This was hard to take. Although he and I were never particularly close, I still have memories of him and it's still hard for me to believe that I'll never see him again. Unfortunately, I was unable to make it to the memorial services in my hometown; however, he was kind enough to visit me in my dream Monday morning. Even though we really didn't get to talking, his smile was enough to let me know that he was there.

Been in a VERY,VERY dark ,hard place:

So,it has been a while since I have been here on this site. I have been struggling in ways I have never struggled before. I have checked in off and on and I wanted to first say,to you art23,I have read as much of your blogs as i could,and I for one am very proud of you for your strength and your fight. I hope you know and realize how far you have come!!!!! I also wanted to say how very sorry I am to anyone who has reached out here and I havent been able to reach back.

New to the site

kcoppedge's picture

       Hi, I just saw Stacy's Story on the Bio channel and was propelled to see how she was coping now that she is out in the "free world" and came across this blog. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child. My maternal grandfather molested me and my little sister for as long as I can remember till I was 13, when he was finally arrested and sent to prison. I know how hard it is to go through this as I experienced it for years and tried to tell a teacher a year before he finally was stopped.


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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.

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