Blogs

Facing Fears

Anyone who knows my background can probably guess that I have fears surrounding police officers. I break out in a cold sweat, and hold my breath. Therapy helped me realize that just because a person wears a uniform does not mean that they are going to try and put me in jail.

Resentment and Resilience

It sounds strange together, right? Resentment and resilience? It's exactly how I've been feeling lately.

I feel resentful towards a few different things. For one, I feel that my mother is standoffish towards my feelings. I don't know why she feels this way, but because of this, I've never told her about the workbook, about my blog here, nor have I told her about sharing my story with others.

So confused

I have come to terms that I have blocked and pushed so many horrible memories from my childhood. But these emotions have stirred up since my father made it to the surgery table. he got his toe amputated due to his diabetes. My father was my molester. I can't help but think of so many horrible outcomes for him. I can't express this to just anyone. What will they think.? Does that make me a monster that a small piece of me actually wants the worst for him?

Raw and new journey

About 3 weeks ago, I finally realized that I had not really dealt with the damage caused by abuse in my childhood.  I had forgiven my abuser, and received his apology as fact, then telling myself that that was the end of it.  I went about a decade from there, thinking that I was good to go, not realizing that every relationship I participated in was touched by my deep mistrust of all people, but especially men.  So, when I realized (like being hit over the head with a pile of bricks) that just forgiving did nothing towards allowing myself to deal with the loss,deal with the effects of carry

Loss

josey's picture

How do we cope with loss? 

I have yet to close the open wounds of loss as a child/adolescent.

I opened my heart to two women who were very emotionally supportive to me and within one month they both have their lives change and have to move far away.

It's another great loss to my inner child.  She was happy and having fun and learning to trust and to heal. 

My wall has returned with great fervor and my mask is back.  I feel as though I went back to square one.

I want my own personal Renaissance.  Re-birth, Renew, Reinvent...

Lectures and Lessons

I feel like a lot's happened in the last week and a half.

My sociology class was fine. I had two lectures on the chapter and I wasn't experiencing nearly as much pain as the first lecture. My friend was there with me emotionally, so that was comforting.

Last weekend, I walked into work and as soon as I walked in the door, standing there was one of my old bosses. I work for a very large company and he was filling in: it was a nice surprise. He is very pleasant to work with and I enjoyed the time that he was there.

Masking Up The Pain

I finished my warrior mask. I went to a friend's house that's about a two hours drive from my house. I really wanted to do this with someone that I felt really comfortable with and it was definitely worth the drive. We had a lot of fun.

Struggles

Last night, I had a creative expression presentation to give. We were to base our presentation on a quote, word or passage from our class discussions. I chose a quote from a video we watched (here's the video if you would like to see it: http://youtu.be/Nqy00il0wac). My quote appears towards the end of the video and it reads, "As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.".

Taking Chances

I’m taking a chance, a chance to see what else is out there.  I don’t take to change readily because the uncertainty is frightening, but I know that standing still is not always the best path.

I’ve been given the opportunity to try my hand at something new.  I am moving to the country to work a farm.  Yes, high heeled Karen, who you can usually find sitting in her office talking to clients, is going to get down and dirty in the planting fields.  I’ve always had an adventure like this in the back of my mind, but I never thought I would actually pursue such a plan.

Deen the Playwright

Last night, Deen the Paywright came to my university as part of our Authors on Campus series. When I got the e-mail from my professor (who happens to be his sister-in-law), I thought that it would be interesting, but later decided against it (I'm not really an English, theatre or drama person). The same professor I recently reached out to for the workbook. She kindly agreed and later on asked me if I was going to his presentation. She strongly encouraged me to go and shared with me before the presentation that Deen is also a survivor: I then made my decision.

Pages

Recent comments

About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.

Subscribe to RSS - blogs