Blogs

Well, I talked to my mom about how "it keeps coming up". I told her how I get "paralyzed" lying in bed sometimes, that I have vivid dreams of the past, I'm concerned about my marriage because I feel that I cannot tell my husband the past. He and my dad are very close, i.e. sports, cards, etc. She was very receptive and told me that HE did this and she wishes she would have left, blah blah blah. I really don't feel any better or worse but I am glad that she knows what is going on in my head. I know nothing will change and that I will always have to work towards inner peace and that none of this is my fault.

I am finding sleep once again!  I have not done that in years.  I continue to take small steps daily towards a renewed home life with my husband and children.  I find when I am not in this forum, I am reviewing what I might say the next time around.  I try too hard to be perfect and say the right things; yet, when I log in and begin to blog, there is nothing practiced.  It begins to flow and I allow the words to caress this keyboard.

Pain is a season in time

Goes away...comes back over and over like a rhyme.

It leaves me just long enough to forget the sting inside.

Comes back to break me, I can't wash it away...no matter how many times I've cried.

I imagine my soul clean and not scarred up but bright like the sun.

My reality is that my entire being feels raw, cut up...it makes me want to run.

Run away from the everlasting pain and taste of it.

Fly to a place, my place in the sky, full of peace and happiness I'd sit.

I wouldn't be eaten alive by this evergrowing feeling...full of this shame.

This was done to me...my life should be mine to claim.

*Michelle Earley

How do we shrink our personal pics so they can be uploaded here?  I have pictures on all my sites but I too am having difficulty uploading them here due to the size.

Although I find myself slipping back into old patterns, I also am finding myself in new regions of my mapped out life.  I said I was going to work on making my life whole with my husband and children.  I am doing just that each and every day.  It is a promise I made to myself for myself.  No I did not go to bed with him last night...hope that changes soon!!! However, we had a touching moment that warmed my heart again!  I know he loves me and I too love him.

This week I spent with my two grown sons and my one grandson.  We laughed, we played, we shopped, we tanned...a normal week for most people.  What is normal to most is a far cry from victims of sexual abuse but I will be able to call myself a survivor someday.

Happy Birthday Stacey!!!!

It is now 10:42 PM mountain standard time and this is late.  I just got home from work about 1/2 hour ago.  I had to wish you a Happy Birthday... though I wish I could have sent this out earlier.  I noticed it was your Birthday when I read the Wickapedia entry about you.  Trying to figure out when your Birthday was, was how I found out you were free.  I need better computer skills... then maybe I would have known earlier.  I wish you a new joyful experience everyday.  I hope this Birthday, and every one that comes from now on will be a reminder to you just how special you are.

Greetings,

I am a juvenile justice advocate, retired nurse, survivor of horrific/barbaric abuse as a child, tho not sexual abused, but everything else. The emotional trauma is life long, some wounds do not ever heal, tho I do not dwell on the past, it has a way of creeping back into my life, haunting my soul. I strive daily to help make a different for others. I commend Stacey for her courage and tenacity to help and support others, seeking compassion, support and healing for their souls. Many blessings to you Stacey, and others, on those many roads of our life's journeys. Thank you for caring and sharing.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

The rollercoaster pulled itself up the wooden track, defying gravity with the help of heavy chain and wheels. Click, click, click, click, click, up the hill.

Nothing, hands up in the air, sudden drop. Wind in my face. Scared, amazed, thrilled, terrified. Did I just scream? Wind in my face, rushing, speeding, no thought, turn, thrown against the side of the car, turn again. Did I just giggle? Flying, rushing, free, free, free.

Hi from New Jersey. I'm here learning how to do more of the technical aspects of our website. It's wonderful to see this website--what I dreamed of--taking shape and growing daily. I'll be back home tomorrow.

I went to Six Flags last weekend, which was a return to my childhood dream place. I lived for the day when my parents would tell me we were going there. I would not be able to sleep for days beforehand due to excitement and the mere hint that I might not get to go if I misbehaved was enough for me to wear angel wings until the trip.

I love to go hiking. I am grateful I live in a city that is right next to mountains (Ogden, UT). My house is only a mile away from the nearest trailhead. It is on that trail that I felt joy for the very first time in my life.

I was walking on a trail that overlooks the city and I heard a screech, looking up I saw a hawk soaring above me. Watching I could feel the sensation of wind in her feathers and the freedom of soaring over the mountains. I felt her joy. I was so surprised... I felt joy. I realize I was imagining how the hawk felt... the thing that surprised me was that I felt it...