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I am grateful for every one of my healing sisters, and brothers
This site has become more and more active... it is so nice to see... it is so sad to see. I am glad it, the site, is here, and I thank Stacey again for making it possible. I read everything that is posted here. It takes time, and for someone who is still healing, sometimes all I can do is read.
Although my heart breaks for every sister here, I also cheer. When I read all the supportive comments, it warms my heart and makes me realize, you are all making a difference. For every sister who posts, for every supportive comment, I believe there are countless more, who silently read, like me. (I gotta keep deleteing all those spam blogs trying to sell us something.... always ticks me off) Sometimes, I think I have written every possible word, regarding my healing journey.... what more can I say? When I read some of the posts, and remember, all I can think to say, is "I have been there too".... I feel so inadequate... I worry my words, may be taken the wrong way... I worry because I just can't write... one more time... about the darkness that was my life... can I?
I realize I am just taking another downward path on my healing journey, and I am feeling sad. I have been through this before too, and I know it will pass, and I know I will feel the sun on my face again... I remember there were times when I didn't think I would ever feel joy... but I did. I remember asking my therapist if she was sick of hearing my experiences, and seeing me cry... I told her I was sick of myself, and I was tired of crying. I remember her telling me, it would pass... and it did. I had to keep talking... I had to keep feeling, wether I wanted to or not. I had to walk through it... sometimes crawl... avoidance wasn't a healing option.
When I look at where I was, and where I am now, I am so grateful. Sometimes I just need to reevaluate, and remember how far I have come. I tend to be silent, when I am going through these downward parts of my journey, but maybe I really need to reach out more.
It is hard, sometimes, to think about what I want to write about. If you have read my blogs... You know my story, and I wonder what I may have left unsaid. I welcome any and all questions:) Maybe that will give me ideas on what to write about.
Thank-you so much for supporting each other. If I ever seem silent, please know I love every one of my healing sisters, and brothers. I check this site often... sometimes while I am at work... sometimes in the morning, and sometimes in the evening... usually 2 or three times a day. I am not always in a position, physically, or emotionally where I can respond/or am up to responding. I really appreciate every one of you, who take the time to post, or comment... when I read them, I know you will all be taken care of, wether or not I can.
About Stacey Lannert
Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.