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One last good deed......

Sun, 04/22/2012 - 18:46 — Sue

Right before my father went into the hospital on Feb.3rd, he asked me to get him a b- day card for him to give to my mom. So,I did. Then,days later he went into the hospital,was sedated for about two weeks,we thought he was gonna die then. I asked some of my closest friends"what do I do with the card"? I wasn't sure what to do. Everyone kept telling me,give it to her anyway,even if he didn't sign it or even if he isn't here. I just didn't know what to do,then,he woke up. We had him awake with us for about another two weeks. So I asked my youngest brother to come pick up the card and have dad sign it because every time I was at the hospital to see him,mom was with me. So we where able to get him to sign it,then,two weeks later we lost him. So, my moms b-day was on last weds. We did her b-day today,and we gave her the card. I gotta say,next to loosing him,it was such a difficult thing to do. She broke down so hard when she saw the card. It was the one last thing he wanted to do for her,I HAD to give this gift to them!!!!!!, I rememeber my dad saying when he was awake that he wanted to be home for her b-day. He wasn't ,that's a very sad thing for him,and her. I hope she felt him with her through this card. HAPPY B-DAY MOM!!!!! LOVE YOU !!!!!!

Comments

Mon, 04/23/2012 - 00:36 — Aries412

I'm so glad that you were able to give your mom something to help her with the pain she is dealing with, that was so big of you! It must have taken such courage to give that to her, and  I'm so proud of you for finding that courage!!

Mon, 04/23/2012 - 14:47 — gaia

I understand that predicament too well. 

Now that mom is staying with me because she can't care for dad or remember well when she should eat (she's diabetic), she depends on me for just about everything. 

I try to stay neutral with respect to her love for her son, and her wish that all our past could be swept under the rug and forgotten. But there are those difficult moments like last month when she asked me to buy her son a birthday card, and mail it too!  The last thing I wanted to do was buy that piece of you-know-what a birthday card.  But I knew how much it meant to her to give it to him. After initially struggling with my no more Miss Won't- take-an-ethical stance-goody-two-shoes, I decided I really wasn't doing it for him, simply for her. and my renewed relationship of mutual respect with her alone. 

RIght or wrong, the relief of no longer struggling with the feelings it brought on after deciding all that was peacefully satisfying.  Thanks Aries, for recognizing the courage it takes to reach that level of disassociation with grudging moments that hinder our day to day decision making processes.

And good for you too Sue, for being so good hearted in all that you say and do for so many, so many many times!!!

Mon, 04/23/2012 - 21:00 — Sue

Wow do I know how hard it is to buy a card for someone you don't like!!!!! I always struggled every b-day or every fathers day. How can you find a card that says "I hate you"? I also get needing to not say anything when you have to deal with your abuser because your taking care of your mom. It's such an ugly thing we do to help the ones we love I guess. I am proud of you for being able to get through all of that and getting that card. I know exactly how hard that really is and I'm so sorry you have to live that,but,your definitely not alone with that one my sister. Be proud of yourself ,o.k.?

Mon, 04/23/2012 - 20:53 — Sue

Thank you for your support. That means a lot to me. Yes it was a very hard thing to do,but I felt like I needed to do it. It was so important to my mom to know how much my dad really loved her and I felt like it was the right thing to do.it was a cry fest when she saw it,which made it very hard for me,I hate to see my mom cry. Anyway,thank you again for your support!!!!

Mon, 04/23/2012 - 14:32 — mizzt

Hello Sue,

I've been wanting SO bad to write you but didnt really know what to say to you.So sorry for that lack of respect for you while you were hurting all this time.I do come onto this site alot and poke around the comments and replies just to see whats going on.For me,i feel its better NOT to say something if you think it might not fit the comment, or may be misunderstood,or possibly just the wrong thing to say"period".Sorry you have been thru SO much lately,but AM THRILLED you had the courage to go on with all that has been keeping your mind so busy.I think it was a "wonderful"gesture on your part to give the card to your Mother.It took courage girl and you did it.for your Father Mother AND Yourself,i think.Now "I" am not as well versed as the others here or CERTAINLY NOT as educated so i try to keep from writing a reply to someone if i think it is going to come out like advise.So i just read.But just wanted to let you know i AM STILL thinking of you "my sister".And please keep doing well.You deserve it.All of you who read this deserve to be happy ,in a good place,and doing well.SUE,Thank you for being 1 of the 1st to be my friend(sister).Hang in there!

Mon, 04/23/2012 - 20:48 — Sue

Hey sister,I first wanted to say to you,even if you haven't written me,or whatever,to me,that's not a lack of respect,at all. I know my world has been very difficult lately and it's o.k. If your not sure what to say,I know your still here with me and that's all that matters to me,o.k.? Thank you for the positive thoughts about the card,it was a very difficult thing to do and I was very stressed out over it. I was wondering how you and your daughter where doing? Last time I talked to you,you where looking into getting some counseling for both of you. How did that go? I just hope you are doing o.k. And I hope you realize that no matter where my head is,if you ever need me,I'm here for you!!! Take care of yourself please my friend.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.