Creating a New Life

The past month has been crazy for me. I purchased a home in the town I am relocating to in order to attend college. I had no idea of the amount of time, energy, or finances it would require to prepare a house. I found a cute little cottage that had been foreclosed on and it seemed perfect for me, my dog, and my cat. The only problem is - it needed a lot of work (and more money than I counted on).

I bought because I did not want to live next to anyone in an apartment building. I would have had to live on the bottom floor because of the dog. It might not sound like such a big thing, but it is. No matter how much time passes or where we are on our healing journey we are still subject to flashbacks and nightmares. I did not want the sound of someone walking overhead or coming in and out of doors next to me while I was sleeping. I still awake at the smallest of sounds and have the momentary panic of fear before I realize where I am and that I am safe.

People always ask me when it all goes away and the hard truth is that it never does. We bear scars that are sensitive. They will always be with us, but we can allow them to heal instead of becoming infested. If we ignore or pick at the scar it will reopen and ooze, it will be prone to infestation. If we are aware of the scar and treat it gently we can help it to heal. It will still be there and prone to sensitivity, but it will not consume us.

I read the other day, "Blessed are the cracks because they let the light in". I have never read a truer statement. I have cracks but I am not broken.