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My 4 yr old son

Tue, 04/24/2012 - 23:30 — Amber_89_08

I just Became a member here and I was wondering if someone could help me. About a year and a half ago (which would make my son 2 and a half) my son told me that his 18 year old uncle (my brother) sexually molested his feet. I came totally unglued. My brother lived with my mom at the time and my son stayed with my mom a lot. The reason I believed this to be true is because my brother had a foot feddish and my son wouldnt know something like that. After my son told us this my husband was ready to kill my brother. We made my brother leave and go back to his dads house. I have kept my son away from him since that day. He has not seen, talked, or had any contact whatsoever with my son. My son didn't talk about it hardly ever since that day. My brother denied ever doing it. We totally cut my brother out of our lives. I don't even consider him my brother anymore. After we got him away from my son, my son stopped hitting himself and saying things like "me stupid" and "me hate myself." I honestly did not know how to go about this situation so I thought keeping my brother away from my son, my son would forget about it. Just recently, as in a few days ago he brought up, after not talking about his uncle for a long time, that his uncle put his "peepee" in his mouth. I don't know what to do. Please someone help me. My own brother ruined my child's life and I despise my brother for what he has done. I also feel in my heart that my brother needs help, because I have had a gut feeling since this happened that he was molested also by his father, because my brother and his brother both act very weird. Please someone help me. I don't know what to do. I already keep my son away from his uncle. And I will never ever let him near my son again as long as I live. If someone can help please I really appreciate it. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I didn't protect my son. I love my baby boy so much and I don't want him growing up with this horrible thing his uncle did stuck in the back of his head. I have talked to him about it and I have told him that he was a very good boy for telling his father and I and that what his uncle did was very very bad. Please help. Is what I'm doing what I should be doing? Any advice at all is helpful please.

Comments

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 05:36 — Sue

I am so so sorry to hear about your son. First,you really didn't know ,and as soon as you found out,you stopped ALL contact,so,you did protect your son. The first thing I would say is,get your son some help. Go talk to a professional who deals with children to help your son. There will only be so much you can do to get him through this,reach out. As you said ,you don't want your son to carry this the rest of his life. I wish my mom was as brave as you are to stop all that happened to me,and I really wish she saw all the signs that I was abused and I wish she did get me help when I was a kid. I believe my life would have been a much better one had she helped. Now,as far as your brother goes,yes,he has MAJOR issues,so my question is,is there any chance he would molest someone else? It sounds like yes,so,all I'm gonna say is,it's all up to you on what you want to do ,but,if it was my brother,I would turn him in. I don't know that you would feel o.k. W with that,or maybe talk to someone who will talk him into getting help. I don't know if that's something you wanted to hear and I'm sorry if it upset you,but my thoughts are,who else could he hurt? Good luck with all you do,and especially with your son.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 08:54 — Amber_89_08

Thank you so very much. I know my brother needs to be turned in. I'm going to take my son to a therapist and have him tell them everything that happened. I am so sorry about what happened to you. I look at my little boy and see dreams and hopes for him. I couldn't bare the thought that My own brother could mess my sons whole life up. I really hope it doesn't mess his life up. I don't understand how an adult can do something like that to a child. It saddens me. I am so sorry for what you have been through. My son is a sweet and innocent little boy and you were a sweet and innocent child too. Every child is. To take that away from a child is very sad.

Fri, 04/27/2012 - 08:09 — mandy280

I am so sorry to hear about your son! I also was abused by an uncle when I was around your sons age, strangly my uncle was around the same age as your brother as well. I did not get the help your son is getting. Back then people just were not as aware of child abuse, the signs and indications, and unwilling to talk about it. My mom suspected something but was told by a misinformed Dr that I was fine. It was not untill this year that I even told my parents about my abuse.

No your son may never forget, parts of it will fade for him I am sure, and with your support, the knowledge that he is safe, and a little therapy he will go on to have a normal life. That was the biggest thing for me. once I was old enough to really sort out what had happened to me I made the decision that I was not ruined, that I would not let what he did to me be an excuse to fail at life.

We never forget. But as we heal and time goes on it get easier. Don't you think for a minute that he cant have a happy childhood now. Even as an adult I had to reassure my parents that I indeed had a happy child hood filed with great memories. He did take my innocents and put a big nasty scar on my child hood, but I had wonderful parents who loved me and made me happy. You are at an even greater advantage! You know early on what happened. I didnt have that, but I still feel like I have had a blessed life.

You also need to take care of yourself! This is a hard thing for a parent to go through. We tend to be so focused on what was done to our child and how they must feel and what we need to do we forget about what its done to us! Your trust was violated too! Be sure when you take him to therapy you set aside some time to talk with the theripist also. They can help you understand what your son is going through, how to handle some issues that may come up and also reassure you as well!

Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:11 — Amber_89_08

Thank you very much. I'm so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I have no clue how people can hurt little innocent children the way they do. I am a very caring and understanding person and I believe that child molesters had to of had the same thing happen to them when they were young. But that doesn't make it ok to do to other what has been done to them. Children are a gift from God. My son is my little angel. He saved my life. He brought meaning to my life and it angers me that a grown man can do something like that to an innocent little child. I feel so bad for you and everyone this has happened to. They will pay one day for what they do. We only have a short time on this earth and then we all go home. God has given you the strength to overcome this as I believe in him to give my son the strength to overcome what has happened to him. I am very happy that you are fine now and that you have moved on from this with strength. Children can not perfect themselves, so I don't think anyone should ever blame themselves if this happens to them. I thank you for sharing your story with me and letting me know that my son will be ok.

Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:13 — Amber_89_08

Sorry I meant children can not protect themselves not perfect.

Fri, 04/27/2012 - 12:38 — Sue

I have been following your story and as I said before,I can't even put into words how sorry I am that you both are going through this,it angers me. I do agree with you that something either happened or maybe people who hurt children like this just aren't wired right,but , look at all of us who had it happen to us,we aren't molesters. I just think if someone who does this is beyond sick and should be put in jail FOREVER!!!!!! Anyway,what I wanted to say is,you have one very lucky son to have a mom who loves him SO much that you are doing something to help him. You ARE there for him,and with you by his side ,he WILL get through all of this. The pattern for us survivors is,no one ever believes us,sees it,accepts it. Your son,he has you,you do believe him,you will help him. Remember not to forget about yourself though ,if you burn out,you won't be able to take care of him, go talk to someone,for you,o.k.? Be proud of yourself,I'm very proud of you!!!! I wish my mom was as strong as you,it would make my healing so much easier. Take care.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.