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So since I've told my family that I've had suscipions (for close to 20 years) that Dad may have also sexually abused me, things have been tense, understandably. Everyone seems to be minimizing my feelings and my concerns that Dad should be watched around the kids in the family. The fact that I have no control over my siblings protecting their kids from my dad is eating me up. My dad has poor judgement in general and tends to do stupid things for attention. I was always fearful of my father because he had an anger problem and was verbally and physically abusive towards me and my siblings. There are a few memories of him that made me feel wierd and make me feel as though he sexually violated me in some way. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't warn my family to please be cautious/aware of dad's whereabouts around the kids and then God forbid down the road if my nieces and nephew came to me and said that he abused them. But now things are so tense and they want to sweep it under the rug and move on, and sadly in a way so do I, just to get back to normal and to not feel so alone during this. Sometimes the self doubt creeps in and I wonder if I made a rash decision, but I followed the advice of my therapist whom I trust her experience and that I felt I had to do in order to break the silence. I do feel badly that everyone is going through pain now, and somehow I feel responsible for it which really makes me irrate...why do I always seem to accept the blame for EVERYTHING! I've decided to take a break from talking to my family to several times a week to just once a week. How do I continue in a relationship with them that I feel comfortable with? Is it wrong for me to be angry/sad at them for not really understanding me and not wanting to talk with them more regularly right now? I know the answer is no, but I still feel awful for causing them pain. But I think I need to be more concerned about the kids' feelings in this family versus the adults' feelings. I know I'm all over the place. Any thoughts/encouragement is greatly appreciated.
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About Stacey Lannert
Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.