this post will trigger you be warned

well i'm half dead from emotional exhaustion. i left the rooming

house. i am supposed to apartment sit for a friend for a month.

it's all been really effing hard. too hard. this is a lonely dark life

not worth living. i hate living in this state. my plan is, if i decide

to keep living, which is a 50/50 proposition, is to move all my

crap out of storage - just chuck the s--- OUT - and go down

to see my friend in VA for awhile. just keep moving, don't let

anyone pin me down. i can't find any place to live that isn't

horrifyingly lonely or noise triggering. there is so much rage

in here. i could light up the sky with it. harness it for nuclear

energy.

just f------- tired, just f------ sick of everything, just f-------

over it already, just in need of a bed, a place to cook

spaghetti, and a life that isn't a constant horror show b/c

one man who was supposed to be my father thought it

was cute to stick his hand down my pants. i had a dream

the other night he kicked my door down and i grabbed

his penis and squeezed it trying to hurt him - and instead

he got off on it.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FATHER.

When he dies, I'm going to dance on the bastard's grave, and

at his funeral, the whole world will hear the story. You didn't

get away with, Stephen. YOU DID NOT GET AWAY WITH IT.

and nobody has any right to judge me for my feelings. so

don't.