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Taking Chances

I’m taking a chance, a chance to see what else is out there.  I don’t take to change readily because the uncertainty is frightening, but I know that standing still is not always the best path.

I’ve been given the opportunity to try my hand at something new.  I am moving to the country to work a farm.  Yes, high heeled Karen, who you can usually find sitting in her office talking to clients, is going to get down and dirty in the planting fields.  I’ve always had an adventure like this in the back of my mind, but I never thought I would actually pursue such a plan.

I think it is important to challenge our life path, to push our limits in a safe way in order to gain strength and realize growth.  I ask my clients to do it all of the time.  I assist them in pushing past victimhood, which means abandoning safe hiding places.  I ask them to be vulnerable and uncertain.  I ask them to go with their gut. 

Sometimes I feel that survivors of sexual abuse believe that they are grossly different than the general population.  Because survivors have no other point of reference than their own experience, it is easy to see how they can come to this conclusion.  But in life, everyone has to experience fear, uncertainty and vulnerability. 

A client recently told me that she had scheduled a meeting with a professor at her college.  She shared that she felt incredibly nervous prior to them meeting.  I asked her to let me describe how she was feeling in those anxious moments.  I guessed: sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, dry mouth, jumbled thoughts, twisted stomach.  She was amazed that I could be so accurate.  She was equally amazed when I told her that everyone, including myself, experiences that level of anxiety when faced with a meeting like the one she described.  She thought her emotions and physical discomfort were unique to people who have a history of abuse.  She felt comforted knowing that she was “normal”. 

We all feel anxious when challenged, so it is safe to say that I am experiencing sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, dry mouth, jumbled thoughts and a twisted stomach. I am doing something out of my comfort zone, but my gut tells me it is the right thing to do.  My client knew that she needed to meet with her professor in order to reach a new level of health in her future as a student and life participant.  I know I have to try out something new and scary in order to grow and reach a new level as well. 

I will continue to “see” many of my clients, but it will be via skype……another new challenge for them and me!  I will also continue to check in with everyone at Healing Sisters.  I may not be able to write as often as I have in the past, but I will try.  I encourage those who participate on this site to go back and read my blogs from the beginning forward.  I know there is a lot of valuable information there and it never hurts to revisit past writings in order to interpret them from a newer perspective.  I have spent the past several weeks going back and reading them as well and I find myself processing them anew. 

Be well sisters.  I hope to share my journey with you as I find some balance here on the farm!


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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.