I have learned by life's hard lessons. That keeping a secret about sexual abuse is wrong. It gives the power to the preditor to continue abusing others.

I was abused by my father as a toddler. His wife had a gut feeling that something was wrong. She confided in her own mother. She was told she was CRAZY.  Years later my father again abused me.

Wife #3 figured it out. She stopped the abuse and never spoke about it. After their divorce, I was sleeping one night. I woke to find my father standing at my bed side. The memory of the abuse come flooding back. He never abused me again.

This is my first Halloween home in over 18 years, and I am enjoying it to the hilt!

I picked out my first pumpkin, bought a carving kit, carved it, and roasted the seeds. It was great!!! The pumpkin is rotted now, so I bought another one.

I am going to dress up in a poodle skirt and dance at a friend's house. I don't know how to dance, but I suppose that is part of the fun. I do know how to do the twist and the swim, so I guess the poodle skirt is appropriate.

On a serious note, Halloween night is a time for fake monsters and horrors, but we have seen plenty of real ones. We each have monsters, demons, and horrors in our past that we confront every day.

Reading about Mackenzie Phillips speaking out about her incestious relationship reminds me of the first time I spoke out publicy about my past.

I had so many fears, so many doubts, but I was literally in a place where I had to share my past so that other people could understand the tragic decisions I made. I needed support from others and the only way that would happen is if I exposed myself in a way I never had before.

Speaking out for the first time is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. I admire Mackenzie for having the courage to come forward.

After speaking out there is always backlash, people's opinions to deal with. Some will believe, some won't. Blogs will be written, people will take sides, etc. Other people's opinions are just that, opinions. We have no idea what really happend behind closed doors, only the two of them know and one is speaking out.

Mackenzie is to be admired for her courage. She has begun the journey of setting herself free from the past. By being open and honest we set ourselves free.

I admire her for her bravery.

I know that is has been awhile since I have posted a blog and I sincerely apologize. I started a college class and I must say the homework has been keeping me busy.

I enrolled in only one class because I wanted to see how I handled it. Would it be hard? Could I fit it in to my schedule? I had quite a few doubts, but I went forward and signed up.

I am taking an English Composition class. I have to write a lot! I have two essays per week and am just now starting to get the hang of it.

I went to San Francisco this weekend. I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge, hugged a giant redwood, sat on the beach, and ate an In-N-Out Burger. These are things I never thought I would get the opportunity to do, and sometimes I still can’t believe it.

We seem to take the little moments in life for granted. I don’t because for so long I did not have them. I remember watching television and seeing the Golden Gate Bridge and thinking, “I would love to go there someday. How beautiful.” I still cannot quite believe that day is here.

My sister asked me to babysit my niece, Ali. Part of me was petrified. Being responsible for a 2-year-old is somewhat overwhelming. I took her for the first time for three hours. That was a good start.

I took her to the fitness club where I teach--they have a kids club, too. I know this was sort of cheating to drop her off in the nursery, but I thought she'd like it. I had bought her a small doll and a bag of Cheetos. I told her if she behaved in the kids club, she could have them when we got back out to the car. Yes, I resorted to bribing.

I went to another concert. I seem to be enjoying the things most people did in their 20s. I have a ton of catching up to do, and I am thankful for the opportunity to do it.

Kid Rock and Lynrd Skynrd came to St Louis. I wanted to see them, but I did not want to spend the money on a concert ticket. A friend bought the lawn ticket package and offered me one at a reduced rate. I bought it and convinced a friend to go with me.

I am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up and let me tell you, it isn’t an easy decision. There are tons of possibilities--if I don't second guess myself.

Going back to school is an option and one of the HealingSisters members recently posted that she got an A in her philosophy class. Amy made me seriously consider going back to school--she hasn't been in class for more than 18 years.

I would love to continue my education, but then the ugly question, “For what?” rears its head. I haven’t actually decided what I want to become yet.

I am going to have a little rant. It makes me so angry that people still want to live under the code of silence. At times, it seems to me as some people who are close to me are ashamed of me. They will introduce me, but leave off my last name, be vague about my past, etc.

I am not ashamed of who I am. It bothers me that 10,000 different headings pop up when my name is Googled, but I take that with a grain of salt. I made mistakes, I made poor choices, but I have overcome. I can live with my past. I may not be proud of it, but it is what it is.