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Stacey Lannert's blog

Creating a New Life

The past month has been crazy for me. I purchased a home in the town I am relocating to in order to attend college. I had no idea of the amount of time, energy, or finances it would require to prepare a house. I found a cute little cottage that had been foreclosed on and it seemed perfect for me, my dog, and my cat. The only problem is - it needed a lot of work (and more money than I counted on).

Amazed

I am truly amazed by all of you - the strength and courage each one of you display every single day is amazing! I feel worn out right now, just plain exhausted. I have been giving lectures and trying to rehab the little cottage I bought in the ,college town I will be attending. It seems like I don't have any down time right now and I don't. However, I know there will be a time for rest, it just isn't today. For every thing there is a season and right now my season is HARD work. The strength each one of you displays inspires me to keep plugging away.

Baby Steps and Giant Leaps

Sorry it has been awhile since I have blogged, but my life has taken quite a few turns and twists lately, all at the speed of lightening. I finish my Associate's Degree at the end of this semester at STLCC and have already begun work on my Bachelor's Degree at a college a few hours away. I worked it out with the college that this semester would be online, and next semester would be on campus, so I could attend both schools simultaneously. I have a ton of homework every week!

Life Marches On

I am very comfortable in my present life. I love where I live, I like my neighbors, I know what my routine is, I am content. I am about to change all that. In a few months I will be moving to a new town where I do not know anyone. I will be attending a new school and I suppose I will need to look for a job. I spent today doing a home inspection for the first time and I must admit I feel a bit freaked out. There is part of me that simply wants to rent and have nothing to do with home ownership, but the prices for rent in a college town are astronomical.

This Friday

This Friday I will be a guest on a blog talk radio show called, "Stop Child Abuse Now". Everyone is welcome to listen and you are also invited to call in. It would be wonderful to hear from many of you as I alsways have the opportunity to see your voice but this would be a chance to hear it also.

 

Higher Power

*This is a response I gave to someone earlier this week, but I have noticed a few comments about this issue and thought it might be fitting.

It would be unnatural not to blame God at some point in our lives. We are taught that He works miracles, is all about love, etc. I had many, many battles with faith. I can't tell you the exact day I stopped blaming God, but I can tell you about the rush of warmth and love I felt when I accepted that it was not His fault.

Learning to feel

Being numb helped us through a terrible ordeal. We learned how to turn off the pain, which in a way saved us. The only drawback to the numbness was it also took away our ability to feel pleasure. The simple things in life were no longer pleasurable - the feel of grass on your feet, the way a grape feels when you bite into it, petting a super soft cat (like my Maggie), or holding a precious newborn baby - we lost the ability to be fully present and therefore to freely feel. We also closed ourselves off to others.

Feeling the Pain

Darkness is a part of our lives, it follows us, hunts us. We did not let the darkness in by choice, someone forced it onto us. We lost the ability to feel and learned how to become numb, we had to in order to survive. The nightmares, the flashbacks, and the fear remained long after the abuse ended and will last forever. Depression became our companion, a warm embrace to a cold life.

Overwhelmed

Life can be overwhelming. If you think you have it rough try re-entering the world when you are 36 years old. Not an easy task I assure you, but I am proof it can be done. Today I am taking a look at all I have done since coming home three years ago...

New Year

They say what you do on the first day of the New Year is what you will do the rest of the year, so here I am. I hope to make Healing Sisters more of a daily commitment. Life has been hectic and there were days I barely lifted my head out of a book. Life moves fast and there are a million and one things to get accomplished - clean this, take the trash out, call this person, pay that bill, etc - but nothing makes me feel as this site does.

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About Stacey Lannert

Stacey is free. In January 2009, Missouri Governor Matt Blunt commuted her sentence of life without parole. She is currently speaking out about sexual abuse and sharing her message of love, healing and forgiveness.

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